2025.5.12 18:22
Grandma passed away
5 days after my birthday
1 day after Mother’s Day
3 days before I quit my current job
Grandma is only 40 years older than me

I planned to go home for 2 weeks after resignation to have some time with her
But now that never will happen
And last time I saw her was half year ago
I know she is being suffering
I know she doesn’t have many days left
Still I never call her via phone
Not because she can’t hear at this age
It’s because I don’t have her phone number and I never bother ask for it
I’m this bad

Now I’m sitting in the yard typing this memorial at late night doing over-night-wake for her
Pretend I’m the first born good grandson
I’m trying remember those years and days with her at my young ages

Other few relatives are playing cards and drinking around
Dogs barking from time to time
Flies and mosquitoes humming
I really can’t concentrate to drown myself in the sorrows grieving
Even my tears are gone
I have mid-age-crisis for long long time
I don’t treat myself well
I don’t treat family members well
I’m really empty, sad and broken
I can’t change anything happened and happening
I’m so deeply sorry

Tomorrow
6 feet under
dust to dust
ashes to ashes
light will never shine through her small house’s window again
There will never be bask in the sun in the yard with her again
R.I.P
Grandma